Does Being Terrified to Click “Publish” Make Me a Coward?
For at least six months now, there has been an article sitting in my drafts, waiting to be published. Every time I think about it, my jaw clenches, my stomach churns, and my heart races. My therapist asks me about it at least once a month: “Have you published that piece about your mom yet?”
“No,” I tell her, shaking my head, the fidget spinner whirring in my hand.
It’s not really about my mom. It’s about painful realizations and my sexual assault, it’s about years of wondering and the weird unexplainable relationship daughters have with their mothers.
Sometimes I tell my therapist that I haven’t published my piece yet because I can’t find the right title: How do I condense so many interconnected thoughts down to a few words? Other times I tell her I have too much going on to think about publishing anything. My excuses have ranged from reconsidering my love for writing to being too tired after work to continue looking at a computer screen. In all truth, I’m just scared.
I want to press that bright green “Publish” button, to share my thoughts and see if anyone relates to my experience. I know I can’t be the only one. But the fear… It stops me every time.
Should I put this piece into the world, will my mom read it? Will she misunderstand me and…
