I Stripped Naked and Got Intimate… Without Having Sex
Instead of sharing my body, I wound up bearing my soul
I love sex. I’m a Scorpio, so every just assumes this is so. And, 99.9% of the time, it is. But last January, I was lying naked in my partner’s arms dreading the escalation from foreplay.
I’d had a rough few weeks preceding the evening in question and I found myself in a headspace Meredith Grey would call “dark and twisty.” I couldn’t find joy or sadness in much of anything: everything felt drab and grey and a little overwhelming. Daily things like getting out of bed began to feel like a chore.
My partner confronted me after a few days with her concern. She asked me what I was feeling and what had triggered this state, but I didn’t know what to tell her. It didn’t feel triggered, it felt like it just snuck up on me and was my new normal. I knew something was wrong, but it was hard to find any motivation to fix it.
I tried to write my loss of emotion off as the result of a bad few weeks, but one night I looked up from the tv to see my partner watching me with tears in her eyes. At that moment, I realized just how scared she was. Seeing the depth of her worry made me want to pull it together, suck it up, and get back to happy. But I couldn’t figure out how. So I faked it.
